


New shoes

by ClayJackson



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV)
Genre: Emotions, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, self hatred, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-26 16:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClayJackson/pseuds/ClayJackson
Summary: Ed doesn't know how to tell Oswald how much it hurts to be taken care of.





	New shoes

**Author's Note:**

> Just another quick and rough vent fic just to throw emotions out there and work through them.

Ed doesn't know how to tell Oswald how much it hurts to be taken care of. How it makes his skin burn and his stomach turn and his whole body crawl. He doesn't know how to say "no no no I don't deserve this I should be helping you I shouldn't be so weak, so unstable, so USELESS." 

Which is what makes it so hard when Oswald does nice things for him. The smallest gestures can send him spiraling. A new tie, a date to some expensive restaurant, even just a simple kiss or stroke of his hair. It hurts somewhere deep in him, in some dark part of his chest where his emotions fight to strangle each other. 

He desperately wants to be good, wants to give himself up to Oswald. He wants to hear kind words and accept kind gestures, touches. But he can't, he hasn't earned them. Even if he ever did earn them, he didn't DESERVE them. 

But Oswald is relentless with his affections. He's always lavishing Ed with presents, telling him how important he is, how grateful he is that Ed is his.

That helps, sometimes. Being treated more like Oswald's property than his own self. He can distance himself from what's being done for him that way, view himself as something like the Iceberg Lounge. Oswald liked his things to be beautiful, well taken care of. Ed could pretend he deserved it. 

Sometimes it didn't help though, and Ed was left in a nauseous state. If he was Oswald's, what if he messed up? Made a fool of himself, disgrace everything Oswald had done. He was bound to fuck up to a point that not even Oswald could forgive him. His body shook in anticipation for that day. 

Ed snaps back into his body as he stares at the expensive, new shoes he held in his hands. Oswald's latest gift. It hurts to think how expensive they are, how much effort went into them, how Oswald thought about him. 

A tear landed in the leather and Ed jumped, quickly drying it off. He was already fucking up. He rubbed at his face, forcing the tears back in, and breathed shakily. Now was not the time to break down. 

He took a moment to detach himself from the situation, disassociating from himself, the shoes, and all the feelings that were destroying his chest. He needed to meet Oswald at the lounge to talk business, he couldn't sit here and wallow in his own self pity. 

Shut down and Out of it just enough that he wasn't overwhelmed by everything, he moved robotically as he slipped in the new shoes and got himself ready.


End file.
